tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-630346294397505634.post3732584337302017344..comments2024-03-28T03:06:23.447-04:00Comments on Romance Novels for Feminists: Compensatory Romance: Charlotte Stein's NEVER SWEETERJackie C. Hornehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04146684628443152376noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-630346294397505634.post-46598847698498295982022-07-16T15:33:18.923-04:002022-07-16T15:33:18.923-04:00Very thougghtful blogVery thougghtful blogEdmond Furniture Assemblyhttps://www.assembly-furniture.com/us/furniture-installation-oklahoma/edmond-furniture-assembly.shtmlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-630346294397505634.post-28352572575514684972016-04-24T15:32:13.430-04:002016-04-24T15:32:13.430-04:00I think what I'm struggling with is that she&#...I think what I'm struggling with is that she's getting a compensatory love, from the person who tormented her. I have experienced love that made me feel better about prior abuse. I think there are relationships that help self esteem and faith in yourself. For me, Letty getting that love from Tate feels squicky. It feels like Letty finds his love redemptive. That reminds me of how some abusers will treat you the best right after they've beat you up, or give you compliments that actually feel better because they've called you ugly so many times. The relief of feeling love from the prior abuser is not something I like to see offered as a happy ending.Shannon J.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03256636447774274839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-630346294397505634.post-6696769313590298442016-04-24T15:30:52.610-04:002016-04-24T15:30:52.610-04:00I think what I'm struggling with is that she&#...I think what I'm struggling with is that she's getting a compensatory love, from the person who tormented her. I have experienced love that made me feel better about prior abuse. I think there are relationships that help self esteem and faith in yourself. For me, Letty getting that love from Tate feels squicky. It feels like Letty finds his love redemptive. That reminds me of how some abusers will treat you the best right after they've beat you up, or give you compliments that actually feel better because they've called you ugly so many times. The relief of feeling love from the prior abuser is not something I like to see offered as a happy ending.Shannon J.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03256636447774274839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-630346294397505634.post-77488184259992984552016-04-23T21:23:58.752-04:002016-04-23T21:23:58.752-04:00Hi, Sara:
I can totally understand why someone wh...Hi, Sara:<br /><br />I can totally understand why someone who witnessed bullying, or who has been the victim of it, might not be drawn to this book. But on the other hand, Stein wrote the book in response to her own experiences of being bullied, I believe. The book's dedication reads "For all of you everywhere who know what it's like," and the acknowledgements include this line: "But most of all I'd like to thank the twelve-year-old me, for not giving up. I did tell you it would get better."<br /><br />So this is not a matter of a writer papering over the horrors of being bullied, but a way to reimagine them, to take control of them. A book in which a protagonist triumphs over a bully is one way to create a fantasy of empowerment. But a story in which the bully transforms into the protagonist's ideal romantic partner is a fantasy of empowerment, too.<br /><br />What people do in real life when faced with bullying is a whole other topic. Which is why I asked the question I asked at the end of my post.<br /><br />Glad you would advise your kids not to accept being bullied.<br /><br />My kid has never been subjected to bullying, but I know from reading about the topic that many kids, especially girls, get push-back when they complain to school authorities. So sometimes it's not just an easy either/or choice, to accept or to fight back.Jackie C. Hornehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04146684628443152376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-630346294397505634.post-5425721045386640602016-04-23T21:08:49.206-04:002016-04-23T21:08:49.206-04:00Rhyll: I think you can definitely read this as a t...Rhyll: I think you can definitely read this as a transformation story. But the book's focus, its energy, is not at all on exploring Tate's transformation, is it? It's like, bang, he's a jerk, then, fast-forward two years, and bang, he's a super sweet guy. And an informed feminist, too! I agree that people can change as they mature, but Tate's transformation seemed so extreme that it almost seemed magical, wish-fulfilling, to me. And hence the idea of compensation.<br /><br />After Letty discovers that Tate deeply regretted his actions, Tate says to Letty, "didn't you wonder what happened to me during the past two years?" But the story doesn't talk much at all about what happened to him during that time, beyond allowing us to read the emails he wrote to Letty (even though he knew they would never get to her), telling her of his guilt and wish to make things up to her. At the start of the story, I thought maybe he had been put in court-ordered psychological counseling, he seemed so different!<br /><br />Tate definitely wasn't a "loving bully" when the actually romance starts. So this is not an icky book that convinces abused young women that they should love their bullies. <br /><br />But Stein does choose to make his actions back in high school due (at least in part) to his romantic feelings for Letty. She could have just chosen to have him be a jerk in high school, and fall for Letty only after he had transformed. But she didn't. So I have to ask, why did she make that decision? Which agan leads to the idea of compensation.<br /><br />To my mind, compensatory is NOT the same as reparative. This story doesn't fix or erase the bullying that Letty endured, or that Tate dished out. If it did, then for Letty, and for the reader, there WOULD be a choice between self-esteem and loving the bully. But there isn't, at least not the way Stein constructs her story.Jackie C. Hornehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04146684628443152376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-630346294397505634.post-69790396747792159452016-04-23T08:42:46.388-04:002016-04-23T08:42:46.388-04:00I haven't read the novel, but I have seen seve...I haven't read the novel, but I have seen severe physical and emotional bullying in the class I was part of for my first nine school years (now 30-35 years ago), I say this is not something I would ever want to read. I did my best to fly below the radar most of the time. But there is nothing even remotely romantic about bullying, and I would much rather read a novel where the bully victim turns her/his back to the former bully and proceeds her/his life successfully on her/his own. <br /><br />As for my daughters (I have two) or for my son, I would say, "tell them to stop" or fight back. And if that's not enough, and if it truly is bullying it often is not, then take further actions. <br /><br />/Sara<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-630346294397505634.post-72093236929323183032016-04-23T02:43:55.996-04:002016-04-23T02:43:55.996-04:00I didn't read it as a 'compensatory' f...I didn't read it as a 'compensatory' fantasy but as a transformation story. The hero was a jerk when younger and changed as he matured (as many people do). So he wasn't a 'loving bully' at the point of the romance, and therefore there was no choice for me between self-esteem and loving the bully.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15368494604239251454noreply@blogger.com